Her heart belongs to the man who's from Idaho and she will never let him go +316+

Into the World of Luciana

It was Winter season in Translith and the Winter Castle, which was made out of blue and purple roc candy, was a bustle of excitement, happiness, and anticipation of the coming Winter Holiday. Princess Reyna was especially excited. This was the first year that she would be in charge of the Winter Holiday Ice Show. She was nervous because she had never been in charge of anything before. As she sat there at her dressing table, it dawned on her that tomorrow was her 17th birthday. It also concerned her as well because that meant she would be coming of age. That also meant that she would then be eligible for marriage. The thought thrilled her and frightened her at the same time because she didn’t know if she was ready yet for that. As she was thinking of the concept, she had no idea that at that very moment the Evil Wizard, Nigel, was pacing the threshold of his Gingerbread Castle, infuriated and impatient. His butler, a seal named Pooki, hadn’t returned with his first Winter’s snow-cone. Each year he had a snow-cone and each year he varied the flavour. This year the flavour was to be Raspberry. All the seal had to do was walk outside, scoop the snow into a cone and pour a syrupy concoction over it and Presto! You had a snow-cone! Plus, he needed to think. He couldn’t think without a large amount of sugar in his body. He hated his life since he and his family got banished from Translith for stealing half of the Royal Family’s sugar supply and for illegally producing and selling pixy sticks and Roc Candy. Now, sugar was running low and he was running out of ideas for the many uses of crystallizing caramel and pixy sticks. So you can see and understand his predicament. Plus, his parents were never around. They were out all night, every night, celebrating the New Year. They would come home drunk with celebration and smashed from drinking too much Code Red Mountain Dew, Dr Pepper, and any form of caffeinated energy drinks and soda.
Suddenly, a brilliant idea popped into his head. Tomorrow was Princess Reyna’s 17th birthday and he knew that it would be a big event. His plan was to kidnap her and hold her for the ransom of 1,000 bags of sugar. He grinned wickedly at the sheer evil of his plan. I mean, come on, we don’t call him the Evil Wizard for nothing! He looked into the mirror and grinned as wickedly as he could but alas! He looked like a blooming duck with too much water on him. He sighed and went back to pacing, this time waiting for Pooki to come. Right at that moment, his servant and best friend came flopping up the stairs and opened the door with his flipper.
“Pooki! I have a bloody brilliant idea! It is sheer genius!” The eight year old wizard declared when the dark blue and orange seal flopped over to him and handed him his snow cone.
“Sorry, I’m late, I was also making a snow cone for me, and plus it isn’t easy to make a snow cone if you don’t have any hands to make it with,” the cute little seal apologized. Nigel forgave him and also apologised for forgetting that Pooki was a seal and didn’t really have hands....more like flippers.
“So tell me about this plan, dear friend, I’m anxious to hear it,” the seal said taking a small bite out of his fish flavoured snow-cone. Nigel also took a bite out of his own cone and proceeded to dive into the details of his plan to kidnap the Princess. When he was done, he leaned back on what he thought was a sturdy piano but little did he know that the piano had wheels on the bottom of the legs. The piano moved and he fell to the floor, the snow cone flying in the air and landed right on his head. Ignoring the bloody thing he, then proceeded to talk.
“So what do you think about the plan, Pooki?” Nigel asked licking the syrup that was now running down his face, streaking it bright pink. Pooki, trying oh so hard not to laugh at what just happened and the pink streaks on Nigel’s face that also was streaking his hair, gave his honest opinion.
“I think that it’s a really good plan, Nigel,” the cute seal said choosing his words carefully and wisely. “But what concerns me is the consequences that may come should this plan fail.” The wizard was puzzled by what he just said.
“Explain?” Nigel asked in complete confusion. Pooki, knowing full well that his friend would be confused, you see Nigel is a very easily confused boy being 13 or 5 years old, explained as simply as he could without using words with only one syllable, just what he meant by his concern.
Before the 4 year old can react, let’s go to Earth and take a look at Eleanor, Simone, Lucy, and Hermione. Let’s see here, Lucy was lounging in an old tire and tried to stand up and....well, let us just say that it is in the process of trying to be a success. Why don’t we leave her alone to what is now looking to be a full-time job. In my personal opinion, they should pay her to get her hiney out of the tire but, alas! We can only dream and hope so much!
Eleanor and Hermione are having a majour catfight over who gets to go out with the Ken doll now that he’s single again. Looking over at Simone, we see that she’s giving a lecture to her students of stuffed animals about the importance of duck tape and waterballoons and their many important uses. If the whole world thought as Simone does then we actually would be making progress.
Let us continue on with our little character introduction shall we? So let’s move on down the yellow brick road past the Snow Cone Brothers to the right of us and to the left, people, is the Candyland Princess. Now we are coming up on the Lone Ranger, Julian. He is probably out wandering the woods and all that like Aragorn, only his purpose is different than the dude from Lord of the Rings. Julian is looking for chocolate. But alas! He can not eat chocolate, because of his addiction for it, so he’ll just have to settle for a chocolate milk instead. Most girls wouldn’t think him handsome but let us say that he is for the sake of the innocent.
His handsomeness is a different kind of handsomeness. Blimy! He’s really short for someone who is 6 feet, 1 inch tall. His hair is a chocolate brown that is really short; it goes down to his shoulders. He has light green eyes that are very dark. He is not much older than a toddler at 30 years old.
Let’s describe the other characters while we are on a shopping spree. Princess Reyna has a puzzling but not quite so mysterious beauty of her own. She was practically the size of Treebeard, an Ent from Lord of the Rings who is as tall as a bloody Redwood, at 5 feet, 4 inches tall. Oh, guess what?! Reyna’s 8 inches shorter or taller or however you want to perceive it than Julian! Isn’t that cool????? Well, I think that it is.....
Sorry back to the story, she had faded blue eyes that were the colour of Sapphires, and had short hair that went down to her waist. It was the colour of an old mahogany chest that your great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great Aunt Hildegarde bought in 1548 in Paris but, in all reality she lived in Norway and had never seen hide or bloody hair of Paris but it sounded good at the time so she bought it, for absolutely no reason at all but simply for you to say that your long since dead aunt owned it in Norway and bought it in Paris in 1548. But the unfortunate part is that by now the blooming chest is old and rotting and filled with cobwebs and mothballs because your great grandma Josephine made you promise on her deathbed that you wouldn’t touch, Heaven forbid, the “precious contents” because it would be like touching the Shroud of Turin. (how dare you touch the Shroud of Turin!) Meanwhile your great aunt Hildegarde’s chest is also infested with termites but you can’t get rid of the stupid thing because it is a bloody heirloom.
Well now that I cleared that one for ya, I’m going to try to describe something else in the same clarity. I shall take the next few moments to describe the importance of duck tape in the ingenuity of Simone’s existence. I would go into detail but it would greatly bore you to death, and the last thing I need right now is murder on my hands, so I will now divulge in her physical appearance.
Simone is really quite tall at 5 feet 3 inches tall. She has short black hair with bright purple streaks.
Her eyes a blue
Her was gold
In ’64 she was born
In Baton Rouge.......
Back to the topic at hand. She has a slender frame and blue-grey eyes. Her favourite ice cream is Mint Chocolate Chip and her favourite bubble gum flavour is watermelon. She is really quite good at blowing bubbles in all different shapes and sizes.
Moving onward to the Wild Blue Yonder, Eleanor is okay-looking for a blonde with brown eyes and a 4 feet 9 inches stature.
Lucy and Hermione are identical twins who are the same height as Eleanor and have long red hair and green eyes.
Now let us go to the Roc Candy Palace in Translith (Right because there’s more than one *sarcastic*) on the day of Princess Reyna’s 17th birthday, did I mention that it was a REALLY big deal???? Did I? Ok, so maybe I did. Everyone in the kingdom was invited. She was a sweet, young thing with a mind of her own and a tongue that refuses to injure itself. Niiiiiice! Marilla Cuthbert from Anne of Green Gables would like her.....maybe they should make a movie together! That’s Oscar Material! WOWZA! I can’t seem to hold my own attention tonight! Maybe I should take some medication for it....naaaaaaaah!
The party was awesome; there were dancing bears, sleek lions, beautiful unicorns, and horses, Snowy Tigers, and Polar Bears. Not to mention the villagers from every township and citadel in the kingdom and from several other kingdoms in Lusiana. Even the Village Idiot Association where there, decked out in their finest. Julian was also there because his friend, Louis the Gorilla, invited him to come. Plus, he heard that there was chocolate there and he was sick of drinking chocolate milk from the neighbourhood’s nearest 7-Eleven. (They make the chocolate milk very cheap there.)
The King and Queen of Translith, Fernando and Elaine, were good, kind people whose generosity and wisdom were famous throughout Lusiana. In fact the bloody vampyres have heard of them. In spite of the rumours that you may have heard of about these creatures, vampyres do not drink blood. In Lusiana, they drink Chocolate syrup. They are seen roaming townships and citadels attacking houses that have chocolate syrup. (If they can’t get syrup they sometimes will drink chocolate milk). No, Julian is not a vampyre, he’s a chocoholic. There is a difference.....really.....at the moment I can’t think of one but I am sure there is one. Their beautiful daughter, Reyna, inherited their kindness and wisdom and generosity.
Everyone was chattering like blooming squirrels when it came time for Princess Reyna to make her appearance to the party. The doors were opened to a nitwit messenger who could barely speak English much less Translithian without lisping horribly came running towards the Queen holding an envelope and handed it to her. You see, Fernando “claims” that he is too busy to read documents and such but in all reality, he doesn’t know how to read so just nod along and humour him if he protests. The Queen gasped in horror as she read this letter aloud:

Deer King and Queen whatchamacallit,
I reegrett too inform yew thawt yer dotter iz beeng held four rawnsomm uv 1,000 pounds uv sugerr. Sorrea four thee trubil I havv cawzed yew.

Nigel
PS iff yew want too sea yer dotter agane pleez dew az I sae. thank yew

Yes, sadly Nigel isn’t as evil as he thinks that he is. He tries.....he honestly does. We should probably give him a break. Everyone gasped in horror. How could this nasty little bugger dear, sweet Princess Reyna?
“Elaine, my dear, when is our daughter, Reyna, going to come? She is thirty minutes late and her chocolate ice cream cake is getting cold,” Fernando said completely oblivious to what his wife had just read.
Everyone, including the Queen, looked at him and sighed and buried their heads in their hands; Julian was so amused that he was trying oh so hard not to laugh. (Keep up the work! You can do it, Julian!). As you can already tell Fernando is very clueless. Everyone then started talking, trying to discuss the matter. The Village Idiots started blowing bubbles with their straws. They really are idiots. Julian walked up to the front of the room and stood in front of the Queen. The room suddenly became silent.
“If I have your permission, your majesty, can I look at the envelope that the letter came in? Just to see the evidence that he left us,” he asked of Elaine. She nodded and she searched the letter again for clues. Julian reached out and picked up the envelope to examine it. Turning it over he saw that there was an address on it. He let out an extremely amused snicker. The queen of Translith looked up at him with a puzzled look upon her face.
“ The nitwit who kidnapped the princess is an idiot,” the handsome rogue said. “You would think that if he wanted to kidnap her properly, he wouldn’t have left an address on the envelope.” The entire crowd erupted in laughter, when he showed everyone the envelope. When the laughter died down, the rogue put the envelope and turned to the queen who was still laughing somewhat.
“What do you suggest we do?” Fernando asked when it finally dawned on him that Reyna was kidnapped and the ice cream cake was already cold because that’s what ice cream is.....cold.
“I suggest that you send someone out there to rescue the princess and capture the Nigel dude and hold him prisoner,” Julian said after a moment’s pause.
The queen had a sly look in her eyes as she concluded the matter at hand.
“What is your name, young man?” Elaine asked after he was done talking. Though she already knew who he was.
“Julian of Lysandum,” he answered matter of factly.
“Well, Julian, I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’m going to let you go into the far side of Translith and save my beloved daughter and when you do, I’ll give her to you in marriage. Yes, Lysandum and Translith haven’t got along in some years, I will let that slide because I know that you are the rightful king of Lysandum because I knew your parents well and had a treaty with them for 30+ years till the Great Vacuum Monster sucked them into oblivion. I will renew the treaty and you may marry Princess Reyna,” Reyna’s mother declared. Fernando nearly choked on his 7-Up. She patted his shoulder as a way of saying “Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing.”
Julian looked down awkwardly at his feet. He hadn’t planned on saving her in the first place but it seems that he had no other option. Besides, it had been so long since he disappeared and refused to be king that he had long since forgotten why it was that he didn’t want to be king in the first place.
“I was kind of hoping that you wouldn’t remember me,” he said sheepishly. Elaine chuckled. She liked him already.
“You will set off on your journey tomorrow when you are better rested, and you will leave with your dragon and an escort of Neekums, Mika and Youki, and they shall ride on Moona, Reyna’s Pegasus,” Fernando said after discussing it with his wife.
Since we are short on time I shall explain to you what a neekum is. Neekums are very small creatures, kind of like a walking cotton ball. They are similar in height with a Hobbit, meaning they are not much taller than 3 feet tall. But that is all they have in common with Hobbits. Neekums tend to be very friendly creatures, except for when you mess with their family or with their friends then they will turn into Yoda and pull out their lightsabers and slash you to pieces. Other than that, you have no worries. They also tend to be pastel in colour. (So just add Easter Eggs to the list and you’ll be set!)
At the mention of their names, Mika and Youki walked towards the queen. Upon seeing Julian, they took an instant liking to them and the feeling was mutual. Neekums are also an impeccable judge of character. Apparently, so is Julian..........anyway, they set off on their journey the next day.
Welcome back to Earth, enjoy your visit because we are travelling with the wind.....or something to that effect. The girls were hanging in City Park and flying a kite. Well, Lucy and Simone were at least....Does that count? Hermione and Eleanor were refusing to speak to each other over that stupid Ken doll. Personally, I think that they should give it a rest. I mean friendship is more important than fighting over some stupid guy who probably has the IQ of that of a mountain goat looking for cheese and can’t find any so it will be satisfied with eating some kid named Bob’s sweater and little Bob gets mad and runs into the house screaming and crying because some stupid goat ate his favourite sweater that had Spiderman on it. Then his mother gets mad at the goat and shoots the poor animal for eating her son Bob’s sweater. So what does it accomplish? Absolutely nothing. That’s why friendship is more important than going out with Ken. They would better off going out with G.I. Joe. At least he’s a real man.
Simone and Lucy were at least on speaking terms, which is more than I can say for Ken’s two person fan club over there behind them, when a huge gust of wind blew them into Eleanor and Hermione who reached out and grabbed the kite to keep from being decapitated by the bloody string. The wind then grew stronger and lifted them up off the ground and blew them out of New York City and out of the Earth’s atmosphere and the Milky Way Galaxy, because the caramel and chocolate can’t hold them in place very well against the wind. Then suddenly as if in the music video the Day in the Life, they start spinning around like they were on a bloody merry-go-round. They then landed in Lusiana. Unlike the nitwit Christopher Columbus, they knew that they weren’t in India.
“Wow! It looks like we landed in Candyland,” Lucy said after taking a look around her, once the spinning stopped. The other girls agreed. In fact, it was NOTHING like Christopher Columbus and his landing in America. First off they weren’t on a ship at sea. Lastly, they knew that they weren’t in a different world differently than what they imagined.
Right on track, Fireheart, Julian’s dragon, flew over the girls’ heads and dove headfirst into the hill behind them. Poor Julian was flung from his dragon’s neck where he was perched, and landed on the side of the hill facing the girls and started rolling down the hill towards them in a most undignified manner. If Benson were there he would refuse to clean up the mess.
“Do you think we should help this dude?” Eleanor whispered to Hermione, forgetting about the Ken doll incident.
“Nah, maybe we should wait till he’s settled down,” she said back, NOT forgetting the Ken doll incident but not really caring at this point, just glad that Eleanor was talking to her again.
Once on the bottom of the hill he got up and glared at his dragon who was blowing out water, which enthralled Simone who was still obsessed with waterballoons.
“Great going, Houdini! Can I watch that show again or do I have to pay for the tickets?” said a voice behind them. The girls whirled around to see Moona, Reyna’s horse, as she landed right there beside them.
“Nah, I think that the audience would rather here your lovely stand-up sarcastic comedy instead,” Julian muttered back still riled at his dragon who was now getting up and eating the grass.
Mika and Youki got off of Moona’s back and introduced themselves to Simone, Eleanor, Lucy and Hermione. Once everyone introduced themselves Simone was the first to ask questions.
“So what exactly are we doing here?” She asked after helping Julian wipe the pixy dust off his shirt.
“Well, this is Lusiana and I’m guessing that you guys are here to help us rescue the Princess,” Julian replied grateful that they weren’t apalled at him for his little show thingy.
After more questions came up he gave up on being short and to the point which is what he was used to doing, he dove into details about the recent scandal of Princess Reyna being kidnapped.
“Hmmm,” Simone said after he was done. “Sounds to me like it’s a little kid or something or the dude really has some mental issues.”
After no further ado, the girls climbed onto Fireheart, who was recovered and in full health, and seemed to like Simone, behind Julian and they set off on the adventure.
They travelled for at least three days when they finally reached the castle. To avoid further catastrophe, Julian had Fireheart land (or thud if you want to be technical) at least three feet from the Gingerbread Castle.
“Great, we’re rescuing the Candyland Princess, from the Wicked Witch from Hansel and Gretel, in the Gingerbread man’s house,” Lucy mumbled sarcastically under her breath, which got a snicker from Eleanor. Julian, who had no idea what on Earth she was talking about gave her a puzzled look as he helped them all down off of Fireheart who was thrilled to find a patch of Tootsie Roll flowers and started munching on them.
“I have a plan,” Simone said gesturing to everyone to come near her. They all huddled up like in a blooming football game and listened eagerly to Simone’s detailed plan of how to rescue Reyna and capture Nigel and Pooki (Don’t forget Pooki, best beloved).
Here was the plan that everyone is SOOOOOoo anxious to hear:
Julian, Mika and Youki were going to scale the chocolate tower and rescue Princess Reyna. Once inside they all would start eating because she was emprisoned in a Chocolate Tower (of course Julian was excited to hear about that, being so in love with chocolate). Moona would be waiting to transport them to the Gingerbread Castle (and would supply the soda water because I could imagine that after eating an entire bloody tower made out of chocolate, they would get a rather horrid stomachache.) Using Simone’s stash of waterballoons and duck tape and Fireheart’s water to fill the balloons with, the others would lay siege on the Gingerbread Castle and escort them onto Fireheart’s back and they would head off to the Roc Candy Castle.
Ok, let’s start with Julian, Mika and Youki. They creeped up to the Chocolate Tower as planned around 12 in the morning. Looking up, Julian noticed Princess Reyna looking out as if expecting someone to come and help her, which is why he was there, obviously. Finally, he whispered up to her to get her attention.
Reyna looked down at her rescuer who still had pixy dust all over his hair.
“Let me guess, you came to rescue me,” she said. Getting a nod from her company, she was quick to step into action.
“Nigel has been sending his cute seal, Pooki, to come out here and feed me licorice,” she whispered down at Julian. “I’ll use that as rope.”
She disappeared for a bit and reappeared dropping a thick line of licorice at Julian which smacked him in the head, but he was willing to forgive that. The end that was up with her, she tied around the pillar of the tower, tightly and signalled the party to come up and get her. Julian climbed up first followed by Youki and then Mika. They finally made it to the top and started to climb in. Julian stood in front of Reyna, and noticed how radiant she looked. He knew then that he would marry her in a heartbeat.
Now let’s see what is going on at Nigel’s place. So far the plan was working. When they finally made it to the room where Nigel and Pooki were discussing waterballoons and duck tape, Simone opened the door and boldy chucked a waterballoon at Nigel. There was one thing that she and Nigel didn’t have in common. She colours her water with dye. The balloon that she threw at Nigel had navy blue in it and it dyed his entire face and hair blue.
“Heeeeeeeey!” He shouted. “I thought that I was supposed to start the attack! This is my room!”
Simone grinned wickedly. Pooki of course made it quite clear that he was neutral. Lucy liked him immediately and escorted him out of the room to avoid him getting hit. Eleanor and Hermione ganged up on him and stood behind Simone.
“I think that you should know something about me,” Nigel said backing into a corner with a what appeared like a grin that made him look like a girl even though it was supposed to be an evil grin, much like Simone’s.
“What is that, Blue Meanie?” Simone taunted pulling out a pink dyed waterballoon and aiming it towards his chest.
“I’m a wizard,” he stated as ominously as the 5 year old could, reaching for his wand.
Simone shot him a look of disbelief. He then muttered under his breath and in a flash of light turned her jeans and t-shirt into a Minny Mouse dress. Of course this made Eleanor and Hermione start laughing.
She looked down and looked back up at him with a huge glare on her face and went ahead and threw her waterballoon at him turning his white shirt into something that looked like it was from Strawberry Shortcake. He then glared back and waved his wand and turned her attire into a 60s band uniform.
Looking into the mirror, she grinned.
“Cool! I’m from Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band!” She exclaimed.
“You were supposed to hate that!” Nigel cried. “Girls are so weird!”
Eleanor and Hermione, putting their past behind them, proceeded to throw more waterballoons, only this time they were filled with regular looking water, at Nigel.
He finally gave up with his blue face and pink chest he let out a yell.
“I give up on being evil!” He shouted. “It is just not working!”
At that point Simone took pity on him and they became friends and instead of duck taping him she just led him out the door and they joined Reyna and Julian and company.
That day they flew with amazing speed, considering Nigel kept turning Eleanor and Hermione into Malibu Barbie and Ballerina Barbie and Julian and Reyna kept giving each other piggyback rides around the villages of Translith and then giving, Mika and Youki piggyback rides, Neekums don’t weigh that much. Moona and Julian kept yelling at each other and Pooki and Lucy kept buying candy and going on sugar highs. Of course, Julian, Reyna, Nigel and Simone kept playing pranks on everyone and each other and then laughing their heads off (dear oh dear what a mess!). Finally they reached Roc Candy Castle each looking like they just came back from a Broncos versus Raiders football game.
At first Fernando and Elaine couldn’t recognise them at all. But after Reyna spoke, they were happy that they all came back in one piece (and looking like diehard football freaks).
So that very day, Julian and Reyna got married (Football faces and all) and moved into a Roc Candy Palace in Lysandum and had lots of kids. As for Nigel and Pooki. Well, Pooki was adored by the King and Queen of both kingdoms and Nigel swore that he wouldn’t be evil anymore. I guess he then became Nigel the Goofy Wizard. So they both were pardoned and Pooki was freed of his servitude but stayed with Nigel and as for the girls... Simone and Nigel became best buds, Eleanor decided to go out with one of the Village Idiots, and Hermione stayed single and stayed free till she got older and ended up marrying a handsome Duke who was named Duke of all things. (Duke duke.....oi vey). Lucy hung out with Pooki and the Neekums and everyone was happy.

The End.